


Blunting the Rage

by cynatnite



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Gen, Post episode The Well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 09:54:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1300690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynatnite/pseuds/cynatnite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agent Grant Ward is still reeling from the effects of the Asgardian Staff that had exposed a trauma from his childhood. He attempts to make things right with Leo Fitz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blunting the Rage

**Author's Note:**

> Spoiler for the episode "The Well".

The night with Melinda May and a bottle of heady liquor had eased the pain in Grant’s chest, but only temporarily. Even after she had left his bed, he laid on it for some time with his hand covering his eyes still remembering everything as if it had happened yesterday. Hearing the begging and crying in one ear, and threats to not do a damn thing in the other. The fear he had experienced as a child had wrapped around his heart and tightened until it ached. Grant rubbed his sternum to try to ease it away. It did little good.

It was the following evening when Grant found Leo Fitz in the lab working alone. He closely studied the young scientist who was busy tearing into a new piece of mysterious tech. Grant watched how Leo seemed to have his own world where nothing could hurt him.

Then Grant remembered. When he had touched that Asgardian staff even the tiniest bit of rage poured out of his skin and onto anyone within striking distance. For that moment in the lab he had hated Leo with every fiber of his being and nearly exploded ready to shove Fitz as hard as he could. Grant had hated his weakness, his small voice, and most especially his small stature. Grant had envisioned himself using his fists on Fitz until there was nothing but a bloody mess under his feet.

Grant rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. _God, how long would this fucking rage last_? He had thought he was weak when he was a child under the oppression of his older brother, but now his weakness wasn’t just his rage. It was the loss of control. It was hate.

He pushed the button and the door slid open. Grant slid his hands in his pockets and remained on the other side of the room.

“Hey.”

“Agent Ward,” Leo said glancing up from his work. “Isn’t it poker night?”

“Simmons keeps cleaning everyone out. How can she be that good at it?”

“Probabilities and statistics are her hobbies. That’s why I only play checkers with her. She’s worthless in strategy. Something I can do for you, Agent Ward?” Leo picked up his tablet and tapped in an equation.

“We never got to talk about what happened yesterday after I…” Grant took a deep breath. “You need to understand, Fitz.”

“I do,” he said. “Your body had undergone a physiological change.”

“No,” Grant said stepping closer. “It was more than that. I used to be this fat slow kid who was too scared to do a damn thing to stop my older brother.” Grant stopped. The traumatic memory still remained fixed in his mind and he could hear his little brother’s cries from the deep well. “My older brother was everything I wasn’t. I hated what I was, being weak, and I spent my life never being that again. The staff brought all that rage to the surface, but it wasn’t what I expected.”

“How’s that, Agent Ward?”

“You reminded me of me,” Grant admitted. “That’s why I struck out at you the way I did. I hated you because you were a reflection of what I thought I used to be and I was my older bully of a brother.”

“I’m sorry,” Leo said.

“No, Fitz. I’m sorry. You’re not weak and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Not even me. You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever known.”

“How can you say that? I cowered.” Fitz lowered his eyes briefly.

“You’re courageous because no matter how much hell falls around our ears, you keep doing your job. You do what needs done no matter what. You’re more than brilliant, Fitz. You’re resolved. I’ve seen it in your eyes.”

Fitz set his tablet aside. “Do you think this weakened you?”

“I was told the remnants of the staff will be with me probably for the rest of my life. I don’t have the same control that Agent May does. If I can’t get a better handle on the anger, I’ll be a detriment to the team.”

“That’s not what I asked, Agent Ward.”

“No, it’s not.” Grant folded his arms and took a deep breath. “Yes, it’s made me weaker. This rage makes me unsure…unsteady. I will react to a situation rather than act upon it.”

“These designs and schematics I do,” Fitz told him. “It’s more than just creating a new weapon, computer system or other tech. When everything is out of my control, even myself, I have to search for my focus. This,” Fitz motions to the room, “is my focus and my strength. Perhaps you need to find yours, Agent Ward. The rage can be blunted.”

Grant smiled a little. “Thanks. That’s good advice.”

He went to the cockpit and sat with May without saying a word. Grant knew what would blunt his dark temper, even if only temporarily. No permanent solution was in sight.

 

END


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